Monday, September 12, 2011

Regrouping, Not Forgetting

Dear Reader,

I have not forgotten you. I have, however, been going through one of the top 3 most excruciating growth periods of my life. I wasn't sure what to write when it felt like I didn't have any answers to accompany my questions. But, as the darkest dark nearly always hits just before the dawn, I’ve also received some of the most monumental insights of my life.

I’ll get around to sharing those insights in later posts (believe me I can hardly wait).

For now I will simply say that many of my long-held beliefs--beliefs so ingrained in my life that I didn't even realize they were worthy of examination--have now burned up before my very eyes. I didn't even notice how tightly I was gripping the beliefs until the burning embers turned to ashes and blew from my grasp with several final gusts of irony.

Not sure what to grab onto next, I have been in an all-encompassing search for answers. Night and day, every spare minute, reading book after book, praying, fasting, even going to our sacred Temple--I'm telling you, all-encompassing. The answers I've found are, well, completely new to me; but really just age-old principles that took on new meaning and application. I often wonder why I was so blind all along.

I still have some work to do, but consider this post a pre-announcement for more to come.

For the last 5 years I've been working on a project that few people know about. The prep work has been tedious but, oddly, has also prepared me to know what to DO with many of the answers I've found over the past few months.

If I have any luck in being pleased with what comes off my paint brush, this new beginning will be marked by a single painting--the first of what I hope will be nearly 60 total paintings. It will take me a lifetime to finish all of them, but I decided to share the paintings as I go instead of waiting until they are all completed. This means seeing me in the process will make the overall project a little less polished or even cohesive; but the urgency of sharing what I've learned feels too critical to wait.

Thanks for waiting and thanks for following. I have not forgotten you.

2011Res: To Matt: I am humbled by your courage and curiosity. I am glad I have your hand to hold for eternity. To Heidi: today I savored your boisterous giggles when I thought my "show" was anything but funny. Oh I wish I could record that laugh and listen to it over and over again. To Brynn: today I savored your pleas to pick you up. You always say, "Pick you up, please." After telling you I was busy and could not pick you up (about 20 times), you stopped, thought, and said, "Pick ME up, please." WOW! To reward you for correcting your own grammar, I picked you up! Dear Mr H: I have learned that one good way to serve you is to "step away" from the "red fire ants." Thank you for seeing it as a loving maneuver instead of a threat.

1 comment:

Alyson said...

Well, that's definitely an attention-getter. Can't wait to hear about the process piece by piece!