Sometimes I think this is going on inside me:
Given this "inner struggle," I can't even believe inducing me is a genuine topic of discussion. But it is. I now have a scheduled induction date for October 30 at 7 AM, which is just one day after I hit 37 weeks. I don't know how good I feel about forcing Heidi to come literally one day after she is officially "full term." I feel a little like I'm saying, "Thanks for offering us a healthy kid, God, but we'll take our chances by inducing as soon as humanly possible. Can you make sure she doesn't have jaundice, TTN (stressed breathing), or lazy eating like some 37 weekers? Gee, thanks, God."
I mean it's one thing if she comes on her own, because I know God will have sanctioned it. But forcing it? Even still, we're kind of between a rock and a hard place.
Between our house closing on Nov 12th, shipping our cars, managing Delta's rules for "required infant age" prior to flying, having to pack and move across the country, recovering from my first "real" delivery, learning to breastfeed AND dealing with a special-needs toddler who is spunkier by the day--all while getting practically zero sleep from having a newborn--let's just say I'm starting to sweat.
I was kind of planning on having a little recovery time while Heidi was in the NICU, then having her come home, then having to pack/move ... you know, spreading the stress over a few weeks instead of cramming all into the same dang week! It's incredibly ironic that having a healthy, full-term kid is actually adding to the stress. What is wrong with this picture?
Anyway, we've been pretty crazy these past few days trying to figure out what we're going to do now that Heidi hasn't arrived yet. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I hate hard decisions, but am expecting that this is all part of the "faith" lesson I'm supposed to be learning with this ordeal. I'll confess it's hard to hold to the faith that "everything will work out" when it's starting to look really plausible that it's going to be a gigantic, stressful pain in the you-know-what.
I just have to keep chanting, "We'll get through this... we'll get through this..."
Well, anyway, I'm changing subjects. My appointments today put us here:
--I'm 5.5 cm dilated, still 100% effaced, BUT Heidi has moved up a little and is putting less pressure on the cervix
--Heidi weighs an estimated 4 lbs 11 oz, which puts her in the 4th percentile. With just 5 more oz, she'll be 4 times Brynn's birth weight.
Thanks for reading, and sorry if you thought the delay in posting was due to Heidi's arrival. I only wish.
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