Brynn has always been a mellow child. She hardly ever cried. She never seemed to care when I left her in nursery, never had a problem when we left her with a babysitter, never seemed more than slightly leery of strangers, and was pretty much the easiest little person in the world. In the rare times that she was really upset, she usually pushed me away instead of snuggling in and wanting me to hold her tight. She never nursed successfully and never really enjoyed being snuggled--even as an infant. Then, as she's grown, she really seemed to bond best with Daddy.
Because of this and all the other things that have happened in complete opposition to my expectations regarding "Momminess," I have rarely felt like Brynn really saw me as anyone special. The recent bed rest didn't help. I mean, I have been her caretaker, her therapist, her teacher, and her disciplinarian; but only on rare occasions have I felt like a Mommy--the kind that was the indispensable, one-and-only comforter.
Yesterday, however, I had an undeniable, exquisite Mommy Moment.
Brynn started screaming her head off for no apparent reason when she was outside with Grandma, and then still louder as Grandma brought her in. No one knew what to do (least of all me), but everyone told me Brynn needed her Mommy so I took her. Figuring she'd enjoy being rocked, I took her to her room and closed the door. She screamed even louder, throwing her arms and kicking her legs as I tried to soothe her. Nothing worked. She was totally inconsolable and I was totally stumped.
So I put her down and she tore around the room, yelling. I just kept rocking by myself and talking to her in soothing tones. I'd reach out my arms to hold her and she'd yell louder, running away. But after a few minutes, she came closer, and closer, and closer to where I could finally pick her up. She was still screaming, but as I began to sing to her, she instantly--and I mean instantly--stopped crying. She just melted into my arms.
Within 5 minutes, she was sound asleep.
I tell you, she looked just like a porcelain doll. She was absolutely beautiful, peaceful, and calm.
And for her glorious 30-minute nap, I felt like a mother in a way I've never felt before.
I love being a mom.
Noah's 5th Birthday
2 months ago