Sunday, October 24, 2010

Mommy Moments

Brynn has always been a mellow child. She hardly ever cried. She never seemed to care when I left her in nursery, never had a problem when we left her with a babysitter, never seemed more than slightly leery of strangers, and was pretty much the easiest little person in the world. In the rare times that she was really upset, she usually pushed me away instead of snuggling in and wanting me to hold her tight. She never nursed successfully and never really enjoyed being snuggled--even as an infant. Then, as she's grown, she really seemed to bond best with Daddy.

Because of this and all the other things that have happened in complete opposition to my expectations regarding "Momminess," I have rarely felt like Brynn really saw me as anyone special. The recent bed rest didn't help. I mean, I have been her caretaker, her therapist, her teacher, and her disciplinarian; but only on rare occasions have I felt like a Mommy--the kind that was the indispensable, one-and-only comforter.

Yesterday, however, I had an undeniable, exquisite Mommy Moment.

Brynn started screaming her head off for no apparent reason when she was outside with Grandma, and then still louder as Grandma brought her in. No one knew what to do (least of all me), but everyone told me Brynn needed her Mommy so I took her. Figuring she'd enjoy being rocked, I took her to her room and closed the door. She screamed even louder, throwing her arms and kicking her legs as I tried to soothe her. Nothing worked. She was totally inconsolable and I was totally stumped.

So I put her down and she tore around the room, yelling. I just kept rocking by myself and talking to her in soothing tones. I'd reach out my arms to hold her and she'd yell louder, running away. But after a few minutes, she came closer, and closer, and closer to where I could finally pick her up. She was still screaming, but as I began to sing to her, she instantly--and I mean instantly--stopped crying. She just melted into my arms.

Within 5 minutes, she was sound asleep.

I tell you, she looked just like a porcelain doll. She was absolutely beautiful, peaceful, and calm.

And for her glorious 30-minute nap, I felt like a mother in a way I've never felt before.

I love being a mom.


Smith said...

That's beautiful, Natalie. And I'm so glad you had that - I hope it'll be a step forward for Brynn in connecting. And I'm so amazed by your patience as well. I hope if I have the privilege of being a mom that I can have that kind of patience and perseverance. Bless you.

Brady and Rachel said...

Wow! I had no idea. What a beautiful moment for you! I hope and pray you get many more of those moments and they come much more frequently in the future (I agree, you are very patient through it all). (not wishing for more screaming moments for you, I just mean more "mommy" moments. I'm sure you knew what I meant, but just wanted to clarify. By the way, how does it feel to walk around "big"!? Since you didn't have that last time around, just curious how this part of pregnancy is for you (aside from the craziness of all the other stuff you guys are handling.-as if you can seperate it, but I do hope it is enjoyable too. :)

Alatariel said...

:) That's really beautiful. I'm so happy for you! I'm also very glad I got to see you at church today. I'll miss you when you've moved to Utah!


Unknown said...

This was so sweet. It made me tear up. Her big spirit in that little body knows you the best, even if she doesn't show it very often. I love that you had such a beautiful Mommy moment.

Maya is a bit like that. She's very independent, and often won't let me comfort her (she opts for Dad, too). I sneak in to her room at night and rock her like a baby when she's too tired to protest. I think it makes her subconsciously remember that she may be trying her darndest to be a big girl, but really she's still my baby.